Why have a girl who can play her guitar
When you could have a stick in a push-up bra?
She can't sing a note, but that's just fine,
She looks so pretty, and she can mime.
Why have an author who can actually write
Getting plots, characterisation and apostrophes right?
Celebrity biographies, that's where it's at
Or mommy porn, Dan Brown or ghostwritten tat.
Why have a pint of the nice local brew
When there's fizzy lager that'll make you spew?
And there's no point trying an unusual wine
When Blossom Hill is going for £3.99.
Why see a thought-provoking play?
No one wants to think after working all day.
There's a musical on with that guy off tv -
Mindless sing-a-long? Suits us perfectly!
So sit back, relax, turn brain to off,
Consume whatever gumpf comes up on the box,
Be a good citizen, conforming and quiet,
We don't want you going and starting a riot.
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